In The Darkest Places of my Soul
by Michelle Birkby
Summary: Sam is murdered. Who did it? Could it possibly have been Jack? Don't be put off by the summary, it's not all bleak and gloom and doom. And it is shippy.
1. Default Chapter

TITLE: In The Darkest Place of my Soul   
AUTHOR: Michelle Birkby   
SPOILERS: 100 days, Shades of grey   
SEASON / SEQUEL: Season 3   
RATING: PG   
CONTENT WARNINGS: character death  
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.   
AUTHOR'S NOTES; Yes, I know Tech Davis is a man. However, at the time of writing, there was also another Tecnician Davis who was a woman.  
  
  
  
  
JACK.   
  
"Oh God. Oh God no.". It's not blasphemy, I'm praying. For the first time since Charlie died, I'm praying, kneeling in a pool of Sam's blood, next to her lifeless body. Her eyes are open, staring into nothing, a gash gaping grotesquely across her throat. I feel sick, yet I reach forward into the blood, calling her name, desperately trying to stem the red tide already congealing on the floor, desperately trying to pull her back to life.   
  
Then a tiny, but strong hand closes around my wrist, and pulls me back. Janet. She falls to the floor beside her friend gently. "Get him out of here." she calls to someone behind me. I know Janet is right, I should leave, let Janet do what she can, I know she is about to do things to Sam I don't want to see, yet I cannot leave, I can't leave her like this. But someone, Teal'c I think, drags me away, screaming.   
  
That was the scene that's played in my head a thousand times an hour since the day I found her, two days ago.   
  
  
  
  
MAJOR JAMES MULLER.   
  
Well, this is fun...not. Jowell and I are NID troubleshooters, smart, discreet, loyal, sent to sort out the things that you don't need to know about. We're used to being sent to strange places and meeting some odd people. (There's that geek in the FBI...but lets not get into that right now. Cute partner though).   
  
But until two days ago, we never knew this place existed. Then all of a sudden we're told, yes,there are aliens on other planets (guess the geek was right), we have a gateway to those planets, totally sealed within a mountain, and one of the hotshot/heroes/all round good guys/women has been murdered, and we're to solve it. Discreetly. And, oh yeah, one of the possible suspects is one of the afore mentioned aliens.   
  
Nice.   
  
So we got here yesterday, to find the body had already been autopsied, sealed up, and sent to the family. The doc. did a good job, but we like to be at an autopsy, so Jowell demanded we see the body. The doc. blew up (for a little woman she sure has a big temper), said no-one was touching her best friend's body - her daughter's godmother for crying out loud - and if we have a problem with this we can take it up with Major-General Hammond. All this with a very large stone-faced guy standing right behind her, someone giving us the impression that if we so much as speak harshly to her, he'll rip us to shreds. So we left it.   
  
It's odd, but the whole base seems devastated. People move slowly, as if through treacle. I catch snatches of conversation; 'Do you remember when?', 'Sam always said..'. I've never seen a whole base react to the death of a colleague with such shock, such utter and complete sorrow. I wonder if she knew how very much she was loved.   
  
  
  
JACK.   
  
I should be writing a mission report, writing up the whole Makepeace thing, in such a way as to pile as much of the blame onto Maybourne as possible. But every time I pick up a pen, I drift off into seeing that scene, her death, over and over again. I remember when Charlie died. I remember going on crazier and crazier missions in a vain attempt to get myself killed. It's different this time. I don't want to get myself killed. I want to actually physically kill myself, drive the knife home, in an attempt to kill the pain, to stop it hurting, to stop remembering how bad the last few months were, that she died never knowing how I felt, that she was loved.   
  
But I don't. If there is a an afterlife..and I'm still not convinced about that, I know Sam would be bitterly disappointed in me, for taking the easy way out. And sometimes, over the past few years, her good opinion of me is all that's kept me going.   
  
It is true, what I said. I haven't been myself since I met her. And I wish I'd told her that that was the best thing that happened to me.   
  
  
  
MULLER   
  
Well, they're not happy with us being here - seems they've had some trouble with NID lately. Can't say I blame them, some of us are not very nice guys, and they don't like us sticking our nose in their business. Problem is, the base was sealed off, so no-one could have come in to commit the murder. It had to be one of them. We've at least narrowed down the suspects.   
Teal'c; he's an alien. We know nothing about him, how he thinks, how he reacts. Mind you, this is mostly Jowell's prejudice talking here.   
  
Daniel Jackson; Close to Major Carter. A guard that saw him talking to some guy called Apophis says that he could be dangerous if really pushed.   
  
Graham Simmons; known to have a major crush on Major Carter (no pun intended.)   
  
Jack O'Neill; Close to Major Carter, but recently their relationship had become strained. He can be dangerous, described as being 'close to the edge' by his wife before he left on the first Stargate mission. Was heard arguing with Carter an hour before her body was discovered...by him.   
  
I've only just noticed...a lot of our suspects are on the list because they were known to have loved Major Carter. It's an odd job I do, where love is a motive for murder.   
And why only men? Well, there's a reason.   
  
  
JACK.   
  
"She'd been getting letters." Daniel said. He'd come to try and drag me out of this deep depression I'd fallen into, but when I asked him for the hundredth time if he knew why anyone would want to murder Sam (me yeah, but Sam?) he finally told me.   
  
"What kind of letters?"   
  
"Romantic ones at first. Anonymous love letters. You know -you don't know me, but I've admired you from afar - that sort of things. We couldn't work out who was sending them.".   
  
"She didn't mention it." and that fact hurt, that we'd drifted so far apart that she couldn't tell me what worried her.   
  
"It was just after you got back from Adorra. You two weren't ... getting on too well." That was Daniel, tactful as usual. Truth was, we'd avoided each other like the plague. I wish I could remember why now. There'd seemed a good reason at the time.   
  
"Go on.".   
  
"Well, during all that Makepeace stuff, while you were ....unreachable, the letters changed. They started getting more threatening. He started to threaten physical violence, or worse, against her. He mentioned the names of her friends, threatening them too, Janet, even Cassie. And Sam started to feel like someone had been in her quarters, or her lab. Things were moved, her diary went missing for a day. We discovered that someone had been in Cassie's quarters too. We placed Cassie in protection, but Sam refused protection for herself. She pointed out that she was a soldier, she could protect herself.   
  
And then...and then....".   
  
Daniel stopped, and swallowed. He turned away, taking of his glasses and wiping his eyes.   
She'd gone through all that. She must have been terrified, not just for herself, but for Cassie and Janet. And yet, she never felt once that she could talk to me. Ask for my help. She'd merely coped by herself, and at that one, brief moment when she suddenly realised she needed help, I wasn't there.   
It was like she'd been murdered a second time, and I'd done it.   
****   
  
  
JAMES MULLER.   
  
We started the interviews today, in our attempt to discover which of these men murdered her. I say man...our first interviewee was an alien.   
Teal'c.   
Now, I'm not one of those men who automatically assume that just because a guy's from another planet, and used to serve some guy who'd like to kill the lot of us, that he's a bad guy. Jowell, on the other hand....   
  
So how do you interview a six-foot tall warrior alien?   
  
Carefully.   
  
He wasn't a talkative man...alien...Jaffa. I restrained myself from telling him that Jaffa was the name of a particularly yummy cake where my parents came from, and instead listened to Jowell talk a lot to him to finally establish that at the time of death, Teal'c had been with Dr. Frasier and her daughter. That was him off the list then. But Jowell, who fancies himself as a bit of a forensic psychologist, couldn't resist asking just a little more.   
  
"How do you feel about Sam's death?".   
  
"I owe a debt of protection to SG1. For over two years I have guarded them from all who would harm them. I have failed.".   
  
Jowell nodded sagely, as if he understood what the Jaffa was talking about.   
  
"How did you feel about being commanded by a woman?".   
  
Dumb question. But Teal'c thought for a second, as if the thought had never occurred to him, then said,   
  
"I respected Major Carter. I found her to be a warrior equal to my master, and a fine scholar. Most of all, she gave me her friendship and her trust, unconditionally. I shall mourn her a long long time.".   
  
  
JACK   
  
I found myself roaming the base. I couldn't settle. I couldn't sit down, or stand anywhere, without the memory of her intruding. There was where she built the naquada generator, there where she saw me kiss her double, there where we stuffed desserts down our throat, there where I told her that I hadn't been myself since I met her....that memory was only a few weeks old. Before I knew what I had. Life went on around me, but I was stuck in my bubble of self-pity and self-loathing, unable to do anything, to think anything, just to drift aimlessly.   
  
But as I walked down yet another cold grey corridor, it was as if the memory came to life. I heard her voice, clear as anything, laughingly saying,   
  
"Since when have you been a geologist?".   
  
"It's a hobby." Daniel replied.   
  
"Hobby? So you spend your working hours underground, surrounded by musty old rocks and you relax by....working underground, studying rocks?"   
  
She was laughing, teasing him, alive, I could hear her voice, so tantalisingly close. Maybe it never happened, maybe it was a trick, a game, like I'd played with Maybourne only a few days ago. I ran down the corridor to Daniel's door. Inside, I could see Sam, vital, bright...on the screen.   
Daniel had been watching the video of our trip to Adorra. I was in the background, talking to Lara, utterly unaware of Sam and Daniel joking together as he played with his rocks.   
  
Daniel didn't see me. He was blinded by the tears running down his face. I hadn't seen him like this since he'd lost Sha're.   
  
I wasn't the only one who'd lost her. I wasn't alone in my misery. Maybe it was about time I stopped wallowing in guilt and despair, and figured out who took her from us.   
  
  
  
JAMES MULLER.   
  
Graham Simmons was next. A nice boy, nervous, eyes red with weeping. He looked like he couldn't stamp on a an ant, let alone kill anyone...but a lot of killers look like that. He kept grasping and clasping his hands, wringing them together until they were red and sore.   
  
"How did you feel about Major Carter?".   
  
Jowell, right to the jugular as usual.   
  
"I...I respect her. She's...she was my commanding officer. And a brilliant scientist. I mean..her mind..it was like...watching her think was like watching lightning flash. Beautiful, but scary." He stammered to a halt, aware that his enthusiasm for her was obvious.   
  
"That's not what I meant, Lieutenant Simmons." Jowell said gently, if inexorably. SImmons stared at him, then dropped his head. His cheeks turned redder and redder, until I could feel the heat radiating from him.   
  
"Okay, I had a little crush on....".   
  
"LITTLE crush?"   
  
"Okay, a huge crush. But I never said anything. Nothing happened, I swear.".   
  
"We believe you." said Jowell, as he wrote 'motive' on a pad and pushed it towards me.   
  
"You are aware that at the time of Major's Carter's death, the camera surveillance system mysteriously failed?".   
  
"Yes Sir.".   
  
"Who would be capable of orchestrating such a failure?".   
  
"Well, Siler, Tech. Davis, I suppose. She could have."  
  
"Jack O'Neill?".   
  
"I don't think so. He's not so hot with computers.".   
  
"You?".   
  
"Well yes...but..." his voice suddenly trailed off as he realised the implication. He stopped grasping his hands, and his eyes widened. He sat up straight and stared Jowell direct into his eyes. The boy was becoming a man in front of us.   
  
"I was with Sgt. Siler in the gateroom at the time of the murder. Several people saw us there, including General Hammond. I believe that eliminates both us and Tech. Davis, who was also there.".   
  
He snapped off a salute, and left.   
  
"And then there were two.". I said.   
  
Daniel Jackson. Well, he looked like a scientist. Mild expression, expressive face., intelligent eyes, very active hands. As he walked in , Jowell glanced at me and raised his brows. I could see he didn't think of the archaeologist.   
  
But I looked closer at Dr. Jackson. I saw the watchful eyes, the firm line to the jaw, and thought, that under the right circumstances, he might possibly be very very dangerous... 


	2. Two

Jowell started his questioning politely, even sympathetically. But it was obvious Dr. Jackson didn't buy this, and as the line of questioning headed towards Jowell's objective, Jackson's gaze became harder.   
  
Jowell finally asked the question.   
  
"Did you have romantic feelings for Dr. Carter?"   
  
"No, never. And she preferred Major to Dr."   
  
"We've been told the two of you were close.".   
  
"But not in the way you're implying. We were close friends, yes. I considered her a sister, and she felt the same way.".   
  
I leaned forward, ready to add my contribution.   
  
"Dr. Jackson," I said quietly, "by all reports, Major Carter was an intelligent, beautiful woman. From what we hear, half the base was a little in love with her. Are you saying you never felt that way about her, being so close to her day after day?"   
  
He was quiet for a moment, obviously playing back moments in their relationship in his mind. Then he sighed heavily, removed his glasses, and told me,   
  
"I can't really deny it, if I'm completely truthful. There were times, the occasional moment, when I thought...imagined. You have to understand that there were times in my life when she was the only bright thing in my life. And I know that there have been times, one of them not so long ago, when I know she leaned on me, depended on me to support through the bad times. And I did. How can I have not loved her at those times?   
  
But I would never....I know she would never feel that way towards me. And our friendship is so precious that I would not risk it.".   
  
I was silent for a moment, moved by his declaration. Then Jowell said, "How did you know she didn't feel that way about you?"   
  
Daniel Jackson smiled gently.   
  
"Because from the moment she walked onto this base, it was always her and Jack.".   
  
****   
  
  
  
JACK   
  
"From the moment she walked onto this base, it was always her and Jack.".   
  
Those were the words I heard as I opened the door to the interrogation room. I was ...stilled...for a moment. Not by the truth in the statement, I'd admitted that to myself a long time ago, but by the fact that Daniel knew it. I'd never realised that he'd seen it, that he knew me so well.   
  
I wish he'd told me before.   
  
The room they're using to question us is SG1's rec. room, which makes me uneasy. There's a guy sitting at the desk where Sam used to sit, straight-backed as she surfed the web, while I played Nintendo. Occasionally I'd swear at the game, and she smile, amused. Once she found a site dedicated to all the shortcuts on my games, and printed them all out for me, without a word. I didn't thank her. I didn't think I needed to. I thought she knew. I should have thanked her.   
  
I drag myself away from memories, and turn to the NID guys. NID. The very name conjures up loathing. If I hadn't had to go undercover to flush Maybourne out, I'd have been here for her. If NID had never contacted Makepeace, I'd never have lost a friend.   
  
"I suppose Maybourne sent you."   
  
They glanced at each other quickly, then Muller, the one behind Sam's desk, said,   
  
"Colonel Maybourne no longer has anything to do with the SGC.".   
  
Well, that was something anyway. I took a deep breath, looked straight at them, and said,   
  
"Let's get on with it.".   
  
  
MULLER   
  
I'd read up on Jack O'Neill before I got here, every report that wasn't classified top-secret (and there weren't many of those.) He didn't seem to me like a man who would crack under pressure, and he didn't. We questioned him for hours. Jowell wouldn't let him go, just kept at him, like a dog with a bone. But the more forceful he got, the more stubborn O'Neill became. It was obvious O'Neill neither liked or trusted Jowell from the moment he saw him. Can't say I blame him. Jowell obviously believed he'd done it, and O'Neill was angry that he wasn't even trying to find another killer. And he was good at messing with Jowell's mind. In different circumstances, I'd have respected him. Hell, in different circumstances I'd have made this man my friend.   
  
But this was murder, and he was our chief suspect.   
  
Finally Jowell pulled out his ace.   
  
"I have a medical report, dated just after you returned from Iraq.".   
  
O'Neill's eyes narrowed a little, but he said nothing.   
  
"It says you suffered from blackouts." Jowell continued. "Hours, even whole days where you could not remember what you did. You were known to behave aggressively, even violently during these attacks, even with close friends.".   
  
O'Neill's hand, that had been fiddling with his pen, stilled suddenly.   
  
"I haven't had those in a very long time." he said, an undercurrent of anger running through his voice.   
  
"But we checked your recent medical files. You've been getting headaches, haven't you? Would you even know if you had a blackout? What would you be capable of doing in a blackout? Could you kill in a blackout, and not know? Could you have killed Samantha Carter during one of these blackouts you supposedly don't have any more?" Jowell insisted, his voice rising.   
  
The hand that held the pen suddenly tightened, and the pen snapped loudly.   
  
"I could never have hurt her." O'Neill said forcefully, almost shouting. He started to rise from the table. "I don't have blackouts and I could never have harmed her! Now why don't you quit looking for the easy answer and find the bastard who murdered her, or God help me, I'll....!".   
  
"You'll what, Colonel?" Jowell asked calmly, impassive in the face of this man's anger. O'Neill sat down again, the anger fading, suddenly aware he'd gone too far.   
  
Jowell and he merely stared at each other for a while, then Jowell opened another line of questioning.   
  
"I took a statement from Colonel Makepeace before we came here." he said.   
  
"Son of a bitch!" O'Neill snapped, but more to himself than to us.   
  
"He seemed to be under the impression that you and Carter had a ...relationship.".   
  
"We did." O'Neill stated calmly. "I was her commanding officer, she was my second-in-command. The best I ever had, if you're interested.".   
  
"Nothing else?"   
  
"We were friends. We went drinking together, occasionally to the movies. I used to go with Daniel and Teal'c, and even Makepeace once in a while too. What's your point?"   
  
"Colonel Makepeace believed it was more than that. He believed you had a ..physical relationship with her."   
  
O'Neill started to get angry again, I could see it in the darkening of his eyes, but he kept it under control.   
  
"You know as well as I do that that is against regulations.".   
  
Jowell said nothing, merely looked disbelieving.   
  
"For crying out loud, whose word are you going to trust, a traitor's or mine!"   
  
"In fact," Jowell continued, "he said it was a romantic relationship, not just physical. He said the two of you were extremely close, until you came back from some place called Adorra, whereupon relationships became extreme strained between the two of you.".   
  
O'Neill blinked rapidly, but said nothing.   
  
"So, how about it Jack? Were you and Samantha 'together'? All those planets, you a divorced man, she a bright young girl, eager for promotion, alone together - are you telling me nothing ever happened?"   
  
I made a decision there and then that if O'Neill started to attack Jowell, I wouldn't stop him. I don't think I could have. But he kept his self-control.   
  
"Daniel and Teal'c were always there. Ask them.".   
  
"We will. So tell me, confidentially, did you love her?"   
  
O'Neill said nothing. But the look in his eyes ....he looked lost, adrift, like he had no anchor to hold him in this world anymore.   
  
He loved her.   
  
"Can I go now?" he asked, getting up to leave.   
  
"One more thing," said Jowell. "You do know that all the cameras mysteriously went out that night?".   
  
O'Neill nodded.   
  
"So the only account we have of people's movements is the eyewitness reports. You were seen charging out of Sam's laboratory about an hour before her body was discovered. Apparently you were angry, very angry. Would you care to explain yourself?"   
  
"Not really." he said, abruptly.   
  
I'd had enough of this. Jowell was being too clever. The only way to get the truth out of this man was too ask him direct.   
  
"Colonel O'Neill," I asked, leaning forward. He was startled, I think he'd forgotten I was there. "All we are trying to do is discover the truth. We need to know everything so we can work out the the truth. Help us.".   
  
He sighed, sat down again, and started to talk  
.   
"We had been a little...unfriendly with each other lately. That day, Janet took me to one side and told me....told me Sam had said, while I was gone, that she missed me. I know that doesn't sound like much, but coming from Sam, that was a lot. It was the first time she'd ever admitted any kind of feelings for me.   
  
So, I went to talk to Sam. But after Lara, and the whole Makepeace thing, it was too late. She'd retreated back into her shell. She refused to talk, she just closed herself off. It was like she wasn't even in the same room as me.   
  
I lost my temper. I stormed out. I went to my quarters for an hour or so. I guess I fell asleep. When I woke up, I decided to try and make it up with her, so I went back to her lab."   
  
His voice broke as he remembered finding her body, and I saw him surreptitiously reach up and wipe his eyes. He would never get a chance to tell her he was sorry now. They''d played a game with each other for too long, and now they'd both lost.   
  
"Could you have had a blackout while you were asleep?" I asked.   
  
"I couldn't have hurt her. I'd have given my life to protect her..I have done in the past.".   
  
"That's not what I asked. Theoretically, could you have had a blackout?"   
  
He said nothing. But he nodded slowly, and I saw something -understanding? -dawning in his eyes.   
  
He got up to leave, but turned to Jowell and said harshly,   
  
"You do not call her Sam, or Samantha, or Carter any more. She is...was a Major. She worked damn hard to get that title. I pinned those pips on her myself. She deserved your full respect and from now on, you use her title. To you, she is Major Carter. Is that clear?"   
  
He left.   
  
  
  
JACK   
  
Could they be right? Could the blackouts have returned? Could I have killed her?   
  
In the darkest places of my soul, was I capable of killing someone I loved so much?   
  
I didn't have an answer   
  
  
  
MULLER   
  
"He's our man." Jowell said. "I'd bet anything you liked on him.". 


	3. Three

JACK   
  
As usual when I'm in one of my black moods, I dropped in on Daniel. And he, God bless him, just let me in , and poured me a drink.   
  
"Was it bad?" he asked sympathetically.   
  
"The questioning wasn't too bad. It's everyone else. I just passed Siler and Rothman in the corridor. Rothman scuttled past like I was the devil incarnate. Siler told him off, said I was innocent till proven guilty.".   
  
"Well, Rothman's always been a little afraid of you. Siler's a good man though.".   
  
He topped up my drink. I didn't have to tell him what it was like, the constant whispering that followed me, the demarcation of the base into my allies and my accusers. Thankfully I had more friends than enemies, but how would that last.   
  
"Before, " I said, stumbling over my words, "I was not a good man.".   
  
I stopped. I was aware, that in some sense, Daniel looked up to me. Like Sam, he believed that my soul was good, even if the surface was a little rough. I hated to disillusion him.   
  
"I know." Daniel said, simply.   
  
"And then she came," I continued, hardly aware of him, remembering that first meeting, that first smile, that first spark. "Her eyes were glowing with admiration for this amazing man she'd conjured up from the Abydos reports.".   
  
"And without knowing, you became that man." Daniel continued. "I do notice these things you know." he said, in response to my surprised look.   
  
"They think I killed her." I told him.   
  
"I don't." he said, loyal as ever. And I think he really believed it.   
  
"Sure?"   
  
"Of course I'm sure."   
  
"Good. Because I'm not.".   
  
Daniel stopped pacing and looked at me.   
  
"Jack, what....".   
  
"I used to have blackouts. I did a lot of things I wouldn't normally do. What if I've had them again?"   
  
"Well, that's...that's ridiculous. Why would you kill Sam, of all people?"   
  
"We argued." I admitted. "I was trying...I wanted to..tell her. I needed to know if she cared. I dropped hints, but she seemed distracted, like she hardly noticed me. I tried to tell her...but she just continued playing the good little Major, just calling me 'Sir' and not even looking at me! It was just so damn frustrating Daniel! All she had to do was give a little, show a little of what she felt, even just call me Jack! But oh no, she just stood there, calm and cool and saying 'Sir' and 'Colonel' as if she'd never worked three months flat out to get me back! I lost my temper. I stormed out. So there's your motive, right there."   
  
He looked at me for a long time, then said,   
  
"Jack, I don't believe you could have killed her."   
  
"Then who did Daniel? Who else is there?"   
  
  
***   
MULLER   
  
Jowell gets very self-important when he thinks he's solved a case, and he was sure puffed up now, his chest stuck out like a pigeon.   
  
"It's him, I'm telling you."   
  
"I'm not sure."   
  
"He's the only one with means, motive, opportunity. He was seen leaving the scene. We know they had been arguing."   
  
"I don't know. There's something we're not seeing here.  
"   
"It's him! He practically admitted he couldn't be sure he didn't kill her. We'll pull him in, lean on him a little, he'll crack eventually."   
  
I didn't agree, but I kept my mouth shut. Time enough to shoot Jowell down when I had ALL the facts.   
  
  
JACK   
  
"I just want to see Sam's body." I asked. Janet shook her head gently, sorrowfully.   
  
"I'm sorry Colonel, I've already sent the body to Mark."   
  
"Yeah, I should have thought of that, I guess. I just..just wanted to say goodbye."   
  
"Colonel O'Neill?"   
  
I turned to see the NID guys. It was the tall blond one, the one with the pasted on smile who was speaking. The other one, the dark scruffy one, hung back, blocking the door.   
  
"Yeah, what?" I said, more belligerently than I probably should have.   
  
"I am arresting you for the murder of Major Samantha Carter."   
Behind me I heard Janet whisper,   
  
"No!"   
  
"Please come with us." Jowell said.   
  
I went quietly.   
*******  
  
  
MULLER   
  
The more I see of this man, the more convinced I am that he is innocent. His friends -always the true measure of a man- refuse to believe that he could hurt her. It wasn't just his friends. There were a few in the SGC who'd got on the wrong side of his sarcasm that positively disliked the man. Everyone agreed he'd had a violent past, and that he had a great rage inside him. Yet no-one, not even Makepeace, would say that he could harm Major Carter.   
  
The more I thought about it, the more I realised Jowell had gone the wrong way. He'd investigated this case as if it were normal. But the SGC wasn't normal. I had access to a few secrets Jowell didn't know existed, straight from Senator Kinsey himself. We had to look beyond the obvious. We had to look for the impossible.   
******  
  
JACK   
  
I was confined to my quarters instead of a holding cell at Hammond's insistence. Teal'c and Daniel had come to join me, both convinced of my innocence. I wasn't. I remembered my blackouts, how I could recall nothing, how I'd almost killed a friend convinced he was an Iraqi spy.   
  
And yet..I'd never touched Sara. But then again, things had never been as complicated with Sara as they had been with Sam. Maybe...just maybe.   
  
"Okay," Daniel was saying, "assuming Jack's innocent,"   
  
"Which I'm not convinced of." I murmured.   
  
"Quiet, Jack. Assuming he's innocent, who does that leave?"   
  
"Everyone else on the base has been eliminated." Teal'c said.   
  
"So, if its not someone in the SGC.." Daniel said slowly   
  
"Then's its someone from outside." Came a voice from the door.   
  
It was Muller.   
  
  
MULLER   
  
I'd finally decided to take matters into my own hands. I wanted to find the real killer, and the only people who could help me do that was SG1.  
  
"What the hell are you doing here?" Jackson said, angry as hell. Can't say I blame him.   
  
"Finding out the truth. I think there's a different solution..one where Colonel O'Neill is innocent."   
  
"That's not what Jowell says.".   
  
"Yeah, well, Jowell might do most of the talking, but I do most of the thinking."   
  
We sat down round the table, a temporary truce established.   
  
"Okay, I've been in touch with Major Davis. That man is a walking talking encyclopedia of all things SGC. I asked him which of the races you'd visited had the ability to become invisible."   
  
"Why didn't we think of that?" Daniel said.  
  
"Major Carter would have." Teal'c replied.   
  
"The Ree'tu?" Daniel asked.   
  
"No, this is not the Ree'tu style of attack." Teal'c answered.   
  
"The Nox can make themselves invisible, I understand." I said.   
  
"The Nox do not kill." said Teal'c  
.   
"But they are allied with the Tollan." O'Neill said slowly, and I could see the light of hope in his eyes. "They're technologically equal. They might have taught the Tollans how to be invisible."   
  
"When we were on Tollan to defend Skaara." Daniel said excitedly, "Nareem tried to resume his relationship with Sam.".   
  
"What relationship?" Jack asked indignantly.   
  
"He claimed to love her."   
  
"The son of a .....I never knew."   
  
"Well, she turned him down. And last time we were on Tollana, Nareem was no where to be seen."   
  
"Wait," I said, confused, "you think this Nareem guy is the one we're looking for?"   
  
"I wouldn't put it past the slimy no-good son-of-a-bitch to have sneaked back with us." Jack said, suddenly alive again.   
  
"He must have been here for months." Daniel said. "He could probably have knocked out the cameras. And once you got back from Adorra, and your relationship with Sam seemed to have disappeared..."   
  
"He thought he'd move in, with his letters, and when she turned him down..."   
  
"He killed her!"   
  
"I'll kill the bastard." Jack hissed through clenched teeth.   
  
"First we have to find him." Teal'c said.   
  
"How do we find an invisible man?" Daniel asked.   
  
"Heat." I replied. 


	4. Four

JACK   
  
All four of us piled into the control room, giving the sleepy tech. a shock. Muller seemed alive, a totally different man from the scruffy sleepy stranger that had questioned me with Jowell.   
  
"This is what I want." he said. The tech glanced at me, and I nodded. He turned to his screen, and I was silently relieved that he still obeyed my orders. "Can you see everything in base with the security cameras?"   
  
"Yes sir."   
  
"And of course you have heat sensors."   
  
"Yes sir."   
  
"Okay, I want you to order everyone in the base to stand still. Then I want you to scan every room in the base for heat signatures, and compare it with the pictures from the security cameras. Once we find a heat signature, but no corresponding person, we have our man."   
  
The tech. set to work. Muller turned to see us all staring at him.   
  
"What?" he demanded.   
  
"You remind us of someone." Daniel said.   
  
"Major Carter." Teal'c explained.   
  
"Oh. Thank you." he replied, a little thrown. So okay, he didn't look like Carter, but he sure as hell thought like her.   
  
One by one we swept the rooms. Teal'c pulled out one of the TER's we used to track the Ree'tu and moved to the gateroom.   
  
We'd swept practically the whole base, and still nothing. All that was left was the gateroom.   
  
Muller leaned forward, watching the scene below with the intense gaze of a scientist.   
  
We locked the door of the gateroom, and only Teal'c was left inside. Just Teal'c. But on the scanner, we saw two heat signatures.   
  
"Teal'c!" I yelled. "He's on the ramp!". Teal'c turned to fire, but Nareem fired first, hitting Teal'c badly. The gate started to spin up.   
  
"Stop the gate!" Daniel yelled.   
  
"I can't." stammered the Tech. "It's preprogrammed."   
  
"Then close the iris!" I told him.   
  
"I'm sorry Sir, I can't do anything."   
  
"If he's been here for months, he's had plenty of time to learn how to control your technology." Muller pointed out.   
  
"Corporal, that man is responsible for the death of Major Carter! Stop him?"   
  
"I can't! I'm completely locked out of the system. I can't even open the doors. The only thing that can stop him now was if an incoming wormhole blocked his."   
  
Chevron five engaged, chevron six.   
  
Then, the familiar whoosh of sound, the blue flash over the ramp. An incoming wormhole. We stared, eager to see who had such good timing.   
  
A lone figure stood on the ramp.   
  
Sam.   
  
  
  
MULLER   
  
Either my eyes were deceiving me, or our murder victim was very much alive. Mind you, I'd suspected this from the beginning. Without hesitation, I leaned forward to the mike and yelled,   
"He's on the ramp!"   
  
She lifted the heavy rifle she carried and scanned the ramp. There, revealed, stood a dark man in a silver suit, staring at Sam, as shocked as I was.   
  
"I knew..." he stammered. "I knew, even in the darkest places of my soul, I could never harmed you."   
  
"No." said Major Carter. "But you hurt the ones I love." and she raised her rifle and fired.  
  
We joined her in the gateroom at a run, Jackson hurrying to hug her, Teal'c only a little behind. But Jack...Jack hung right behind, almost reluctant to join us.   
  
"He's not dead." she explained, once Jackson had finally let her go, and introduced me. "His name is Nareem, and he's all yours. Do what you like with him."   
  
"And you faked your death because....?" I asked, still slightly stunned at seeing my victim come to life.   
  
"Because I had no other choice. It was the only way to draw him out. I had to provoke a reaction in everybody, get some outsiders in, panic him into leaving the shadows. He'd come very close to people I care for. He'd threatened my god-daughter, Cassie. If we hadn't done something drastic, soon, he'd have hurt her. I couldn't take that risk."  
  
"I see." I nodded, turning myself to the problem of exactly how to prosecute an alien being for a homicide that never happened.   
  
"Sir?" she said suddenly, her voice cracking, looking past me. I turned to the Colonel. He looked almost as devastated as he did after her death. He said nothing, merely turned on his heel and left.   
  
  
JACK   
  
I couldn't believe it. After all I'd been though, all I'd believed about myself, after I had come so close to the edge, it had all been a fake. She tricked me.   
  
"Sir, can I come in?" she said nervously, hovering in the doorway. I wondered how long she'd been standing there. I wonder if she'd seen the tears of relief before they'd given way to feelings of anger and betrayal. I wonder if she even realised I'd cried for her. I nodded, reluctantly. She came in slowly and sat down opposite me. I didn't look at her, though part of me wanted to drink in the sight of her alive and breathing, to obliterate the haunting memory of her bleeding body.   
  
"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you Sir. I wanted to, but we had to make sure that whoever it was really believed I was dead, and we needed you to react properly."   
  
"Really?" I said ironically. "I seem to remember you getting rather angry when I said the same thing."   
  
"This was different." her voice flared up. "Lives were at stake. Cassie and Janet and...yours.".   
  
"Mine?" I asked, in surprise.   
  
"He'd started making threats against you too. Poison your drinking water, tamper with your ammo...there were a thousand things he could have done."   
  
"You could have told me. You could have trusted me.".   
  
"It was never a question of trust." she said, almost pleading. "It was a question of safety. It was bad enough that Janet and Hammond had to know. If he'd suspected, for just one moment, that you knew I was alive....".   
  
I said nothing. I still didn't look.   
  
"Look, I'm not very good with words...not non-scientific ones." she admitted, slowly. "So, I got this from Tollana last time we went."   
  
"What is it?"   
  
She placed a small silver object on the table between us.   
  
"It records emotions." she said. "I've recorded three moments. The one when I realised that there was no other way out but to ...do what I did, the moment when Hammond told me you were a suspect, and the moment I saw you again. Just press that symbol there. I'll be with Janet."   
  
And she left.   
  
I just sat there for along time, staring at it. I didn't want to know what she felt. I didn't want to sympathize with her, feel for her, LOVE her again. I just wanted to hold onto my anger. It was clean and clear, and uncomplicated. Anger was safe. Love wasn't.   
  
But eventually, I reached for it. I pressed the button.   
  
I was overwhelmed by a sudden feeling of desperation. I felt trapped, and there was only one way out. I hated what I had to do, yet I was absolutely certain it was the only way. I just felt utter and complete desperation.   
  
Then panic, disbelief. Anger....but no sense of accusation. At no time had she believed me guilty. Total belief in my innocence.   
  
Then...shyness? Uncertainty. But most of all, an utter, overwhelming love. Love.   
  
I made my way to Janet's office. I stood in the doorway while Sam explained to Muller that she had never guessed it was Nareem. Then Daniel saw me, and cleared everyone out. She stood there, slightly nervous, waiting.   
  
"Major Carter." I said quietly. "I love you."   
  
She said nothing, but only smiled. 


End file.
